A wife that inadvertently discovers her husband's cross dressing secret will most often have far more difficulty accepting the new situation, than one who is sat down and told about it, and even more so if the husband explains why he does it, and makes clear that his predilection is not in any way threatening to their relationship.

The immediate feelings that most wives encounter when they discover that their husbands cross-dress are anger, fear, denial and grief, and they might even feel that their own femininity is under threat and that the future of their relationship is at stake.

Once the wife understands that her husband isn't leaving her for another man, then a healing can take place, and this often occurs when she realizes that her husband is the same sensitive, kind, appreciative and loving man that he was when they got married.

The term cross-dressing as it is most often used, suggests an action or a behavior whilst rarely attributing or proposing causes for that behavior, leading many people to automatically connect cross-dressing behavior to transgender identity, and fetishist and even homosexual behavior.

The term cross-dressing itself does not however imply any such motives, and care should therefore be taken not to cause misunderstanding or offence when using it.

Crossdressers come from all walks of life, economic backgrounds, races and creeds and the phenomenon dates back many thousands of years, and many shamans (a healer among N. American Indians, regarded as possessing magical powers) dressed as women.

The majority of cross-dressers come from conventional family backgrounds, are well educated and almost always heterosexual, and many are, or have been, married, and it might be worth noting that most cross-dressers are happy in their masculinity, and very few of them choose to live their lives as women.

A small percentage of women are crossdressers per se, and this might well be because the wearing of men's clothes by women is not frowned upon in most western societies.

Crossdressers started to appear in mainstream American TV shows in the late 1980s which led to a somewhat wider understanding and acceptance, but neither of the forgoing are in any way near to being complete.

Many crossdressers that might otherwise be more open about their predilection remain closeted because of the possible effects that being more open might have on their families, jobs and friends.
There are no working treatments or therapies for cross-dressing, and many doctors and researchers view the phenomenon as harmless and not needing treatment.

A good number of crossdressers do attempt to deny their feminine side because of how crossdressing is widely viewed by society and they might even dispose of their female clothing, only to return to crossdressing later, after feeling frustrated and mentally castrated from what they feel to be a natural part of their personality.

Some do seek therapy, but due to the almost ubiquitous lack of knowledge on the subject, the cross-dresser more often than not ends up have to educate the so called therapist.

How married cross-dressers are accepted by their wives varies greatly and an acceptance and understanding will depend on a great many things, such as the cross-dressers ability to express his need, how much he is willing to compromise, meaning whether he will keep his predilection hidden from society, and on the wife's level of security and mental maturity.

The situation may be greatly affected by how she learns of her husband's need, and the effect of having it explained to her beforehand will most likely be very different to coming home and finding him wearing her clothes, or even worse coming across him in the street wearing their daughter's clothes and makeup.

Some wives are able to fully accept the newly discovered situation and might even allow their husbands to appear in drag shows and even attend and applaud, whilst in many cases the discovery might lead to a divorce.